MOTHERHOOD

Dear Benjamin: Month 1

March 18th, 2015

Newborn-Bath-1

 

Benjamin. My handsome, precious, pure, loud, wise, son.
This letter is a couple of weeks late. But so were you so I think we can call it even and move on, deal?

 

What a remarkable time it has been getting to know you all over again.

 

Before you arrived, I know the way you moved. I knew the pit pat of your tiny hiccups.
I knew that you were relaxed and on your own schedule.
I knew that our bond was swelling right along with my belly.
But I didn’t know that you would be 8lbs 7 oz of the craziest freight train of love I would ever experience.

I didn’t know that your tiny little body would sit underneath the wisest old man face that breaks my heart in two every time I set eyes on it.
I didn’t know that like me, your needs would be hard to identify, but as we figure them out the bond that builds is stronger than any memory of a long sleepless night.

 

The past month has been easier  than I thought and much harder all at the same time.

 

I thought it would be difficult to stay awake with you all night to make sure you were eating enough, and often just to check your chest to make sure you are still breathing (you always are). But it hasn’t. I have really fond memories of our midnight meetings, even in the morning when my eyes are heavy and we start it all over again.
I thought it would be difficult to be at home with only you and me to think about for weeks and weeks. Before you got here, I kind of had a reputation for always being on the move. But it hasn’t. My time with you is flying by and it is as painful as it is promising that you have truly become my greatest work. I could spend my every day on you for all time, and it wouldn’t ever be enough my love.

 

Newborn-Bath-2

Newborn-Bath-7Newborn-Bath-4

 

In the past month you have proven to love being on the move.
In order to keep a smile on your face, your dad and I are always in a state of dancing, swinging, flying, bouncing, and rocking.
You simply won’t have it any other way.
I fear that I may be the one to blame for this one since stillness was hard for me while you were growing in my belly, but don’t tell your dad about that omission.

 

You love to be propped up. On a shoulder, in our bed, sitting on my knee… You prefer to take in your surroundings with wide eyes and a strong spine. You’re not a huge fan of lying down. At this point in your life this is really tiring, though I have a feeling this will serve you well as you get older.

 

You are enamored with water. You love the sound of it while I brush my teeth. You love it’s white noise in the form of rain while you fall asleep. You love the feel of it as it falls on you during our shower time. You love soaking in it during bath time. It’s one of the things I can always count on to make you happy again.

 

Your face is forever old and wise. Most people have affectionately renamed you Benjamin Button at this point. I’m sorry I can’t stop them because it is just so true and fitting. Your face has been all knowing since the moment you came into this world. And when you are grumpy, you look particularly elderly. It’s the cutest thing I have ever seen. But when you sleep, you still look like my angelic baby. Please never change or grow, OK?

 

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It is crazy to think that you are only a month (and some change) old. Honestly, I don’t remember me before you. And I don’t care to.
You have already expanded my heart more sizes bigger than I knew was possible. You have tested my patience to points that I didn’t know existed. You have turned mine and your dad’s life upside down and inside out. Our house is messier than it has ever bed. We shower less than we ever have. We leave the house far less than I ever imagined would be emotionally possible.

 

And I promise you with all of my heart, son… I have honestly never been happier.

 

Newborn-Bath-3

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Maddie Richardson

MADDIE RICHARDSON

Co-Founder, Marketwake Digital Marketer, Web Designer,
Atlanta Creative



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